I just finished reading an article in the Independent about making your own mozzarella cheese.  The return of DIY feminism, supposedly. Don’t get me wrong, I love DIY most things. I love cooking everything (or at least the idea of it). I like making bread. I even bought a pasta maker about a month ago and have experimented with whole-wheat and egg fettuccine. But, I just don’t understand making your own cheese, and for that matter, yogurt.

My roommate in college had a yogurt maker and she would spend time agonizing over the yogurt she made and then it was just well, and I know she wouldn’t mind me telling you this, gross. It was bland and sour and maybe that’s supposed to be the joyful part in making your own yogurt; that you have the freedom (cough, cough) to add flavor to it yourself. For example, whole blueberries. But you know what I think that everyone secretly thinks (no matter the locavore they might claim to be). I think that secretly, everyone loves some good old-school Sprinkl’ins artificially-flavored yogurt. And if you’re too young to know Sprinkl’ins, well first of all, you are REALLY missing out. But anyway, think about the deliciousness of YoCrunch yogurt with Oreos.   I know it’s filled with terrible, horrible artificial ingredients and preservatives that might eventually lead to some type of bodily disease if consumed in great quantities (say, obesity). But sometimes, those artificial ingredients just taste so good.

Now, thinking about making your own cheese. I do love fresh mozzarella. So, maybe I can understand part of the idea of wanting to make your own. But when you look up the ingredients and the first two are rennet and citric acid, just the word “acid” conveys a sense of danger and makes me feel like mozzarella cheese-making could be a hazard given  my tendencies to catch things on fire in the proximity of my kitchen. Really, one time I caught my entire toaster oven on fire and I was only toasting one piece of toast. I screamed and threw a cup of coffee onto the oven and carried the oven outside and left it on my porch for over a year. It must have been an eyesore to my neighbors. Just this morning I caught my toaster oven (a new one of course) partially on fire as I tried to make cinnamon toast and used a little too much butter. Anyway, so citric acid just seems like a bad idea. I know that logically, this is the same stuff in orange juice, so it’d probably be just fine…I’m just saying, I think I would manage to create a fire hazard. And I don’t know what rennet is.

I think rennet is one of those things that if I was in a conversation with some of my foodie friends, I’d nod and act like I know exactly what it is. But I don’t. Oh well. There’s lot of other things I do know about, for example, how to make cinnamon toast.

So, the DIY movement in feminism. Very interesting stuff. Honestly, it doesn’t seem that interesting because when I think about it, I mean, who doesn’t like baking a cake? It’s so delicious. When my friends and I were bored growing up, we’d always bake something or cook something because then it meant we got to eat it at the end. I still do the same thing with my friends. We make brownies. We make cookies.  We make quilts. Well, not really, but maybe someday soon we’ll take the DIY movement truly to heart and start making quilts.

In fact, I think I’ll probably go make some chocolate chip cookies now. Not because I’m trying to contribute to the new feminist wave of DIY, I’m just hungry. And heavens forbid,  I’m not making my own chocolate chips.


3 thoughts on “DIY

  1. wait. i liked my yogurt! and i do have a desire to make my own cheese. i have come the realization that somethings are best bought, not made. These include: yogurt, croissants, bagels, marshmallows. I can say this because i have made all of these from scratch adn they tasted the same as store bought.

    so yes, homemade cake=good. homemade cheese=too much work for the same result as kraft.

  2. Luke’s parents make their own cheese! Which I think is pretty admirable, but I’m not sure I’ll try it…since it took me four hours just to make butter, I suspect that my DIY skills are remedial. At best.

    I, too, catch things on fire a lot… the back of my Gourmet cookbook is “decorated” with the scorched pattern of a stove burner. It’s a miracle that we have cooked together so many times and have survived.

    Anyway, This was hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh!!

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